I grieve.

Food tastes like straw. When I can eat, either I'm choking it down out of necessity or bingeing out of grief. These irregular eating patterns are wreaking havoc on my digestive system. 

My mind wanders, I remember and then weep.

Having to be strong for those who remain behind and providing comfort when needed... Making decisions and trying to be organized... I wish this was but a bad dream.

Fatigued is how my body feels right now. I only take walks to get some fresh air.

I know this grieving process will take time. You don't get over losing a loved one quickly.

Now the weather is turning colder, and getting darker, and the holidays are coming up fast, I can see myself turning to food or to shopping for comfort. This scares me.  Putting on 20 lbs in a month can be so easily done.

I don't think my dad would have wanted me dealing with his death that way. He would have wanted me to find comfort in my family and friends and then, at last, come to peace with the loss.

For now I hold close all the good memories and good timeswe shared and hope my pain eases enough to let me function normally.

Read the label!

So I've been occasionally buying packages of the same brand of frozen veggies every so often for the past 10 years or so. Reason being: sometimes I'm away on business and when I come home late after a trip or a fun weekend somewhere, I'd rather not come home to a fridge full of rotten formerly fresh veg. Keeping a pack of frozen mixed veggies makes sense. Beats canned.

Out of boredom or whatnot I decide to really read the label and what do I find? Made in China! For reals.  I'm still stunned. 

I try be a Locavore as much as I can, organic as much as I can, but it isn't always possible given the climate where I live. But to include run-of-the-mill vegetables from China in my diet when I can find frozen veg made closer to home makes no sense. When I first started buying this brand, they were made in my own country. Surfing the interwebs to research this food origin issue has been a real eye opener. Where is my frozen broccoli going to come from next? Mars? A piece of advice to all, keep reading those labels. 

Officially in...

One-derland! It's been a bumpy ride so far, but I can finally see some progress. It's been a long while of bouncing 5 lbs up and down around 200 lbs, but a month of being below the 200 mark means a lot. I can say that I really don't want to cross that 200 mark ever again!!! This is more of a psychological victory than anything else. I still have lots of work ahead to get down to 150ish !!

With the time change, I'm not having to wake up in the dark, so it's so much easier to get up in the morning with a bit of sun. I was really dragging my ass last week, so much so that I was late for work almost every single day. So not good. Especially when the boss notices. I know those days are getting shorter and shorter... December and January are going to be challenging. I usually tend to hibernate. Except for going work, I barely move. I'll have to come up with some anti-hibernation strategies!