Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Starting Over

What do you do when you feel like you've lost everything in the world? I asked for help, leaned on loved ones, but I wasn't able to pull myself out of the black hole of depression. I've previously vaguely mentioned some medical issues from time to time here, those are fertility issues. This last miscarriage required hospitalisation due to complications.This has been heart-breakingly tough. All of it. Feeling like a failure is probably the worst aspect. Also not being able to see friends with their babies without crying, and the neighbourhood moms with their babies in strollers which would made me tear up uncontrollably.

With help of a therapist, I'm starting to come out of my black hole, but I do have to start facing facts. Health-wise I've gained a lot of fat and my muscles have become smaller. My cholesterol numbers could use improvement.

The way I've handled this, eating myself into oblivion was the worst solution. I know I did this to myself. Eating my feelings again... I know happiness can't be found in the bottom of a bag of chips, Doritos, chocolates, or baked goods. That didn't stop me from doing it anyway.

My weight this morning was 205.3 lbs. I've not regained all I previously lost, but I'm coming effing close to my highest scale number of 220 lbs in 2012. I can't believe I ate my way to a 40 lb gain in six months... but it's true.

I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting over again.

Sunday, 26 June 2016

Still Hanging in There

Just an update... I'm still around, and I have not regained any substantial amount of weight. Many bloggers also stop posting when things in life get tough or busy, and that's happened to me. 

Health issues related to my kidneys, and a few other issues have plagued me since my last post. Add in dealing with depression. Life has been rough, but I'm getting through it with professional help and support from loved ones. Still quietly reading blogs from time to time, and it's really nice to see a lot of bloggers making progress. I'm still swinging back and forth in the 160 to 170 lbs range, and today I'm at 165.5 lbs.

Here's to blue skies ahead, rather than dark clouds.


Saturday, 5 March 2016

Surviving Winter and Other Serious Things

This last month has been pretty intense here weather-wise. Lots and lots of snow here and I've been spending a lot of time after work shovelling. When the snowbank hits seven feet, yes seven, it gets hard to throw the snow over the top! And it's been so very cold. I usually like Winter, but now, not so much. It's overstayed its welcome! 

All the extra work outside does make me feel good, those calories are getting burned up, but the chill afterwards basically alters my evenings in a big way. Sometimes I have to take a long hot bath just to feel normal again. Thankfully, it looks like warm temps on are the way!!! I'm looking forward to Spring!

My mother has had her ups and downs, with a few trips to the hospital due to allergies to her new medications, and low magnesium issues, so I'm still very concerned about her health. Her doctor was very blunt with her and said she could indeed have another heart attack any time since her risk factors are still present. That's giving her motivation to do all she can not to die. She is trying her best to get back on track with diet and daily walking to avoid having another heart attack. She's started physiotherapy and strength training but finds the exercises difficult since for the past thirty years, she's not done much other than occasionally walking. We talk about all the challenges and her head is definitely in the right place. She's lost ten pounds so far.

In my last post I showed those Richard Simmons DVDs she sent me and they are a hoot!! I tried them both and yeah, I still have two big left feet. I'm not going to do them often, just when I need a fun and emotional lift.

I do have some health concerns of my own as well. I've been feeling unusually tired for the past six months or so, and I shouldn't be waking up groggy and puffy. After visiting the doctor, and getting a couple of preliminary tests out of the way, he warned me of a couple of possible issues, including possible pre-diabetes. More tests are necessary. Although he said possible, I'm not happy it right now. I thought I was out of the danger zone. Since I'm in fact still overweight, currently 166.3 lbs, and the weight is concentrated around my middle, that right there is a major risk factor.  After taking my blood pressure, which he said was a little high, he did say it could be nothing so not to worry... but I can't help it. 

So my goals for the next while are to continue to:
- exercise every day, with cardio 5-6 times a week, strength exercises 3 times per week
- eat well
- keep watch on my portion sizes
- stay low sugar, and low sodium. 

Adding in:
- try not to worry about everything 
- meditation
- warm baths
- listen to more music, less TV and Internet
- dip into savings to pay for a weekly massage 

Monday, 15 February 2016

Aw Snap!

Keeping on track this week with my food was difficult this week. I took my calories down to 1200-1300/day to see what happened and I just got hungrier and hungrier. Basically, I set myself up for failure. I scarfed down a bunch of chips without thinking. Not going to do that again. I really didn't like how I felt while eating them, almost out of control. Yeah... time to take a closer look at that issue.  Meanwhile, I'm making sure my calories stay in my sweet spot, 1500 to 1600. 

It's really super cold here! After a milder than usual January, we're now in a cold snap. When there are frostbite warnings, I don't exercise much outside at all. I did walk to the grocery store and back as always; it's not that far away. When the temps go down like this from -20C to -40C (-4F to -40F), I throw on a few layers and bundle up. Down coat with hood, and it goes down to the knee, a knit hat, long johns, tightly woven jeans and a good pair of tall boots with a thick sole (or a pair of real mukluks). My mitts are boxer glove style. I won't let the cold trap my in the house. But I'm never out longer than 30 minutes in one stretch when it gets past -30C. My workouts are indoors. Elliptical or doing DVDs. Get a load of what my mother sent me for Valentine's Day...
She's hilarious! She's trying to get healthy after a heart attck this Fall, so we're motivating one another, especially with humour. Anyway, back in the day, during a slight chubby phase, I tried to Sweat to the Oldies but failed miserably because I'm pretty uncoordinated. If I remember rightly, there are a lot of dance moves in these routines and I just couldn't keep up! I'll have to try again to see if I'm more coordinated now. Probably not :)

Friday, 5 February 2016

Better Every Day

I've continued on with a modified version of the meal plans that I posted about  last time. I did add back in chicken and fish this week. No vegetarian life for me :)  I definitely feel better with less protein, and eating more veggies. While I still get cravings for foods I shouldn't have, the different kinds of foods on the plans left me feeling more satisfied after eating. It totally got me out of the food rut I was in. Bananas are not longer a staple of my diet either. Just got bored eating them, you know? They were my go-to morning snack, now more of a once or twice a week thing. Replaced them with a few dates and a small amount of nuts.

Since it's been icy and not ideal winter weather here, I've been turning more and more to indoor workouts. I dusted off some old cardio DVDs and have been doing them about 3 x per week (Leslie Sansone as well as the Caribbean workout with Shelly McDonald).  The other 3 days are for the elliptical.  Plus some stretching right after, about 15 minutes of yoga or pilates. 

With food and exercise, I have been consistent and it's paying off. Weight 165.0 lbs  

Friday, 15 January 2016

Taming the Appetite Beast

For whatever reason, I'm feeling so very hungry these days. I haven't figured it out exactly since I have a lot going on.  It's certainly one of five factors that is almost pushing me over the edge, which includes work stress and family stress.

I'm not acting on those hunger pangs, but feeling them super-strongly. Since I'm down another pound this week, I don't want to undo any progress. Grocery shopping is the worst because I smell the baked goods, and the temptation to buy a dozen pastries is very strong. Or when passing he deli counter, falling face-first into a big tray of lasagna seems like a good idea.

I decided to change things up a little to try to stifle my appetite. Tomorrow, I'm going to finish cobbling together a vegetarian meal plan for the week, starting Sunday. I'm using the Vegetarian Times Anti-Diabetes Diet and their 7 Day Portion Control Challenge as a guide. Some of the suggestions aren't my thing, like eggplant or breakfast tacos, so I will be making modifications to my own tastes. The cost of some vegetables and fruit has gone through the roof this week, so I'll have to be flexible. 

Exercise-wise, I'm still working on being 100% consistent. I'm about 75% so far.  I do get my walks in every day. But after work, it's sometimes tough to get that evening workout done. Sprucing up my workout space did encourage me to stick with my plan. By changing the lighting and re-arranging a few things, it made the space a bit more light and welcoming. 

The fight against my sloth and gluttony continues...


Monday, 4 January 2016

Good Day Today

A quick post today! All goals kept:
  • Weighed-in this morning at 170.5 lbs. 
  • Walked 40 minutes this morning. My neighbourhood path was blocked by snow still not yet plowed away by the city, so I got off the bus three stops ahead of my usual one once I got into town, and walked to work.
  • Shovelled 15 minutes of heavy icy snow. 
  • Did a light 30 minute exercise routine this evening.
  • Ate low-sugar and low-sodium. Calories today 1765. Could have included more veggies.
  • Just about to go to bed, so I can repeat tomorrow :)

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

In the Thick of it, and 2016 Plans

This is the first night I've had time to myself to take a bit of a break! It's been busy around here. My pre-Christmas clampdown went quite well. Ate "clean", no processed food, lots of veggies, calories in check but made an exception for two cookies made by a friend. They were delicious and I have no food regret. Office temptations were nothing to me for some reason and I was able to resist the crap. Pre-Christmas weigh-in on the 23rd was down to 169.1 lbs. 

Christmas was pretty good in all aspects. Visiting with my family is always wonderful. Travel was great as there was no snow and the weather was unusually warm. I swam lengths for a half-hour at a  hotel pool, then splashed around for another 30 minutes. So relaxing. At my Mom's since she's been out of commission, there wasn't much bad stuff around, with the exception of a box of chocolates and a box of fancy cookies. For suppers, we prepared roast meats like turkey, chicken, beef roast and assorted veggies. Baked potatoes. Others ate lasagna and that was fine. I made sure my Mom went out for her walks by going out with her. I understand how it easy it is to become unmotivated.


This week I'm in the middle of a big challenge: food every-frikking-where! Since I'm hosting friends, visiting friends, and New Years eve and day are bigger events than last year. Last night, huge multi-course supper. Oof! All good healthy food, no deep-fried nor any cheese-laden things, but just too much of it. And each course served with alcohol. Yes I've been drinking a lot of calories this week. Am going to stop now so I don't drink through the New Year. 




On the good side, it's snowing now and I've been exercising by shoveling snow out of the driveway: An hour this morning and another half-hour this afternoon.

Plan for 2016: Consistency with food and exercise, and becoming more fit and healthy.  I weigh pretty much the same as last year at this same time, and have bounced up and down a little, but not much. For my height, which is short-far from statuesque, 160s/170s is still obese. 

Once I get back into the daily routine on January 4th, I'll be doing the following to ensure I'm moving toward fitness rather than staying in the same rut:


  • As always, eating a paleo-ish template with low-sugar and low-sodium. I plan to track and keep calories under 1800.

  • Every work-day morning: Walking 40 minutes to the public transportation station (through snow, sleet or shine).
  • Every work-day evening: 30 minutes of Body-weight exercises to build muscles.
  • Every work-day night: Getting into the bed before 11pm in order to wake up in time to walk in the morning.

Weekends are not always spent at home, sometimes I travel to my mom's... so...

  • Weekend mornings: Walk 40 minutes wherever I am, even if it's outside around the block or inside in a mall 100 times!
  • Weekend nights: Not succumbing to temptations through booze to eat what I shouldn't.

I'll post a post-holiday weight on the 4th. I don't think it'll be much over 170, but we'll see :)