Monday, 26 November 2012

I grieve.

Food tastes like straw. When I can eat, either I'm choking it down out of necessity or bingeing out of grief. These irregular eating patterns are wreaking havoc on my digestive system. 

My mind wanders, I remember and then weep.

Having to be strong for those who remain behind and providing comfort when needed... Making decisions and trying to be organized... I wish this was but a bad dream.

Fatigued is how my body feels right now. I only take walks to get some fresh air.

I know this grieving process will take time. You don't get over losing a loved one quickly.

Now the weather is turning colder, and getting darker, and the holidays are coming up fast, I can see myself turning to food or to shopping for comfort. This scares me.  Putting on 20 lbs in a month can be so easily done.

I don't think my dad would have wanted me dealing with his death that way. He would have wanted me to find comfort in my family and friends and then, at last, come to peace with the loss.

For now I hold close all the good memories and good timeswe shared and hope my pain eases enough to let me function normally.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad almost exactly 2 months ago... I know the grief, how devastating it feels, and how it doesn't feel like it will ever heal. 2 months later, I am still taking it one day at a time, some days are so sad, some days I find joy. Please, do what you need to to take care if yourself... Even if it seems stupid or pointless, take care if your mind and body to give you the strength to get through this. Much love.

  2. Thanks Jeanette. I'll take your advice to heart. I've just read over your blog entries and they do echo some of the same feelings I'm dealing with also with this sudden death. I'm so glad you're able to find some moments of joy. Makes me hope I will too. Sending a big hug your way...