Getting Better and Weighing In

I've continued on the right path and have stopped filling the void with food. Had another session this week with my counselor.  Aside from our discussions, she said it's a good idea to continue with my food journal, to keep walking every morning and to do a relaxing activity in the evening like yoga or T'ai Chi or meditation. My man joined me for a few sessions and it's also helping him and helping us heal together.

We're also looking to get away somewhere next month if we can find some money. (We do have savings, but they are earmarked for other projects. This never-ending winter has taken a big toll. We're just tired of the grey and cold. Even if it's for a nice little weekend.  In the meantime, we did go for a swim and relaxing sauna which lifted our spirits.

Physically I have more energy and being back at work has helped me get back into a good structured routine, which is what I need right now.  Sleep is difficult but it's getting better daily. Mentally, I'm a work in progress.

Weigh in: 193lbs. I know it was much higher and I expected it to be up with everything and all the crap eating last week.  It'll be down next week.

A Few Cashews Too Far... and then some

I've been throwing myself a pity party. My biggest issue is using food to cope with feelings. There is damage but it's been better this time around. In the past I would have crappy food all day, eaten take-out every night, burgers, pizza and Chinese food, I would snacked on bags and bags of snacks. Yesterday, as I finished the last cashew out of the bag, I said to myself: That's it, pity party's over! 

For full disclosure, here's the crap I ate over the course of this past week:

• 4 cups plain chips
• 12 onion rings
• 3 high quality chocolate bars
• 1 low quality chocolate bar
• 3 cups ice cream
• assorted sweet snacks at a St. Pat's party we couldn't get out of on Saturday (5 cookies, 3 small slices of different kinds of cake)
• 4 popsicles
• 3 griddled bacon and cheese sandwiches
• 3 cups cashews (roasted and salted)

Yes indeed, I kept track. I'm not sweeping this under the rug. Why should I?

I know that this snacking is doing me absolutely no good, physically and mentally.  It's over. 

Today was a good day. Ate on plan, exercised, worked up a sweat, felt good. Now to repeat, again, again and again! 

Fertility: I Wish I Knew This Earlier

A local fertility doctor was interviewed by the media on the rise of fertility treatments:

The once prevailing view, he said, was that fertility for women started to drop at 35 years old. But no longer. "For women the best-before date is somewhere between 32 and 35, and for men it's around 40,"

No doctor, even when I had a regular doctor and gynaecologist, mentioned anything about this issue, ever. I had thought eggs were good until your early 40s, then they run out. Wrong. The quality decreases over time. And it's different for each woman.

Maybe I would have made some different choices had I known. Whether it would be just getting started on baby making quicker or freezing my eggs, I have no idea. No point looking back. As they say hindsight is 20/20.

Sigh. So this is the ongoing health issue that affects my life and has done in a big way since last year. My man and I have been trying to have a baby. We have been going through IVF after I initially lost over 35 lbs.

Being over 35 years of age, my fertility doctor is more concerned about the quality of my eggs and not so much my weight while going through the treatments.  Weight is certainly an issue during pregnancy with diabetes and preeclampsia and other weight-related issues a concern.

For me, being bombarded with drugs, hormones, blood draws, ultrasounds countless appointments and disappointments has been exhausting. Not just physically, but emotionally. My man has been a rock and we've grown closer than ever.

Next step for me: Boosting up my exercise routine while on a break from the baby making... once I'm through this most recent disappointment.

I keep in mind that I can't give up hope.

No weigh-in this week.

Ho-Hum

Haven't felt like doing much lately. Have kept up my morning walks and am making the right food choices. I can only think it's the long winter getting to me. Most of my friends and colleagues also have winter burn out... even the ones who love winter and ski every weekend. Mostly it's been very cold but, today was nice and sunny with signs of melting snow on the driveway, but not my seven-foot snowbank on my front lawn! LOL Got some fresh air and a shot of vitamin D in the form of sunshine. That helped boost my spirits.

Weight 189.5 lbs.

Ugh.

My weekend was great. We had a nice little thaw, we spent time outdoors in lots of sun, I felt good and had full of energy at the end of the course of antibiotics. Went to the clinic for a re-test to make sure the infection was all gone and wouldn't you know it, I picked up a nasty disgusting cold. The kind that you have to keep plenty of tissues with you wherever you go. Almost one of worst ones I've ever had. It seems to be fast moving so I hope I'm not out for too long. 

I've been a couch surfer for the past couple of days but sticking to my morning walk, even if the temperature outside has gone back to being cold, colder and cold. T'ai Chi in the evenings instead of yoga. (Can't breathe in Downward Dog!) Been taking vitamins, cleansing my nasal passages using the Neti pot, not eating much but when I do it's nutritious food and drinking lots and lots of water. Also watching tons of movies from Jackie Chan to Pride and Prejudice has kept my mind off my clogged nose and aching/pounding head. I'll catch up with reading blogs later in the week when I can focus better.

One thing I am glad I did a few weeks ago was to make a ton of soup and freeze it. Squash-carrot with a chicken bone broth base. My cravings for bready carbs that I was dealing with since Valentines have faded away for now. Thank you nasty cold!

Weight is at 190lbs, so down a pound from last week. Once I'm back to 100% health I'll re-evaluate what I'm doing to see if I can get off this 190s plateau.

Links and Weigh-in

With the antibiotics kicking in, I've been staying quiet (other than going to work), drinking lots of water, and trying to keep a couple of nasty side effects at bay. Weight has gone up a pound but I know I haven't been as active as I should be. Come the weekend, my energy should be back to normal.

I have been thinking about triggers ever since Valentines Day when I had some gluten and lactose-free pizza. Looking back, I shouldn't have eaten any since it's triggered cravings for more. I really don't much eat bread or cheese anymore. Not very French of me, I know! A true insult to my heritage. My relatives think me crazy anyway for not wanting to set food into a bakery. I told them I have little control these days. Diane Carbonell at Fit to the Finish today posted some good  Tips for Managing Trigger Foods

A backslide can happen very very quickly. About 10 years or so ago, I was a size or two larger than I am now so an 18+. I began walking an hour a day and lost about 20lbs. I started lifting in the gym, using the machines and free weights with the guidance of a trainer and got down to a size 12. The regain back to the size 18 and plus-size didn't take too long at all. Less than four months. 

Backsliding is not an option for me. I know the health-risks if I regain. High blood pressure, diabetes and more await me if I go off the rails. 

To keep on the path to health, I choose when I can, and when I can afford to, to eat organic and local. I don't buy much processed food but did you know the maker of Oreos in the organic food business too? Lara Bars are owned by General Mills, the company promoting GMOs? How did I miss that? Corporations see there's money in this business so here a link to an infographic showing Corporate Takeovers in Organics

Valentines and Antibiotics

Had a great Valentines Day with my man. Lots of good conversation and laughs. Chose to have some gluten-free pizza and a little chocolate. No alcohol. Just didn't feel like it. Oddly, over time, my alcohol tolerance and cravings have gone down over time. Wish I could say the same about chips!

So the bad news is I'm currently on antibiotics right now. Kidney infection. Had a few symptoms on Friday night and woke up on Saturday morning with that pain in my side and I knew right away I had to get to the clinic. In addition to drinking tons of water, I'm taking some probiotics. Since I'm lactose intolerant, yoghurt is out, so I'm taking a fermented rice organic probiotic instead. Yoghurt is much cheaper! Once I'm done with the drugs, I'll be more vigilant about my water intake and getting in my cranberry capsules.

We got another dump of snow here so I've been shoveling and shoveling. Very glad it was fluffy snow and that it was windy so I had an extra push to help me fling it over my huge snow bank. I'm working my arms and shoulders like crazy this winter. My man spent the time indoors watching the Olympic hockey matches... Ain't love grand! LOL

Stress and other business

A lot of little stressors have been steamrolling lately into a big old ball of Stress. Sleep hasn't been good, work has been blah, the commute has been nightmarish, a needy colleague, TOM, and a new medication with some not so good side effects. 

What have I done to keep from letting things get to me?

• NOT giving in to cravings for salty chips, followed by a chocolate chaser
• Keeping my commitment to walk briskly every morning, even if it's -30C/-22F.
• Yoga or T'ai Chi in the evenings and some stretching at my desk during the day
• Preparing breakfast the night before so I save as much time as I can to walk in the mornings
• Talking, venting really, to my man and some friends
• Getting to bed early with a good book
• Breathing deeply

And above all, focusing on what I CAN change rather than what I can't.

• Sleep: Can't do anything about the quality, except no caffeine, but I have been able to improve the quantity by getting to bed earlier.
  
• Work: I do love my job, it's just everything can come flying in at once. I'm prioritizing and taking one task or project on at a time.
  
• Commute: Nothing I can do. Public transportation is the only way to get in and out of downtown. I'm currently reading a good book, so if I have to wait an extra 30 to 50 minutes then at least I'll be entertained.
  
• Needy colleague: Letting her know I got a lot on my plate right now and if she wants me to review her work, rather than disturbing me every hour we can schedule an block of time in the early afternoon instead.
  
• TOM: Well... he's predictable anyway.
  
• New Meds: Talked things over with my friendly neighbourhood pharmacist who reassured me the side-effects were not unusual, dizziness, headaches, dry mouth, ect., just that I'm getting them all. She recommended a few things to try to lessen them, but if to talk to my Doc if things get bad.

Weigh-in time: The scale has been up and down 5lbs with water retention since I last posted and has now settled these past two days at 190lbs. In view of this past week, that's a number I'll take.