Connections

There's a fellow blogger here in the interwebz who reminds me quite a lot of my past self. And it makes me sad...

About ten years ago I was super-shy, introverted, only had one friend, likely depressed, lost in  an online world and a world of books and games, sleeping my weekends away, not going out of my parents' house very often and not dating or even thinking about experiencing true love.

Reading her blog makes me so uncomfortable because she's who I could have been had I stayed in my rut.

What changed for me long ago was I took a big risk to break away from my family, moving to another town and to taking a job outside my comfort zone.  After making a wide variety of friends and dating on and off, and pondering the universe thinking about what being human really means, I've started to settle into the life I'd longed for all those years ago.

This change didn't happen overnight. It took a few years to get the ball rolling.  I started small by reading books like the how to make friends ones by Dale Carnegie, then just getting out there in the world, joining clubs, volunteering for charities, asking guys out, making mistakes and making a fool of myself sometimes... because that's how you learn!

Now I have a great job, a loving man, plans for a family of our own and a large circle of friends near and far. I'm not as afraid as I was about meeting strangers in person or trying new things. Fear was holding me back for so long.

I still struggle with a few things, with fear every so often, communicating effectively with my man and of course my weight issues which I'll likely struggle with for the rest of my life. But I'm living this life as fully, completely as I can. I'm not wallowing in a sea of self-pity, I'm not sleeping my life away anymore.



"Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect..."  -Howards End by EM Forster.

Three Down

Already three pounds down! It must have been partly water retention from the salty and carby diet of the past couple of weeks. The hike in the rain on Saturday and eating healthy food has me back on the right course. The weather sucked on Saturday but some of the trails are crushed rock so not terribly muddy or slippery.  I was out there for just over three and a half hours, but I'm not  an expert hiker like our friend Jeanette so I stuck to the easier trails. It was too rainy to bring the camera. I got drenched especially my hiking shoes  but I  didn't care one little bit :)

We're having a nice warm weather streak here so I took a long walk after work on Monday and felt great once I got home. Felt even better having remembered to plug in the crock pot in the morning, then coming home to find supper all ready! Pork butt was on sale this week and acorn squash are plentiful so I chopped some onions, garlic, threw it all in the crock pot with rosemary, thyme, salt and pepper. It smelled soooo good. The pork fell apart, in a good way!! I ate it over some greens.

Tonight is mid-week chore night and I've laundry to do. Fun times! Anyhoo, I think by next weekend another few pounds will be gone.

Five Up

I've been Missing in Action for a couple of weeks. Work sent me out to back to back conferences when a colleague who was supposed to attend had a death in the family. I only had a couple of days to prep for the trips so I packed some LaraBars, nuts, Almond milk and steel-cut oatmeal and hoped for the best.

The first conference was held in Nowheresville, far from civilization. It's meant to be a conference centre to concentrate on your organization's issues and not be distracted by the city's temptations... Anyway, the food was bad, just lots of processed crap everywhere, but I tried to make the best out of it by choosing veggies or fruit. The suppers were carb-laden nightmares.

There was a basic gym... no windows, not very good air circulation, a couple of treadmills, ellipticals, body balls and a range of hand weights. A super-chlorinated indoor/outdoor pool was also available... but I didn't use it. They had also a few easy trails around the woods, so that made for nice brisk walking circuits.

Wow, the days were so long and draining... sitting, talking and taking notes. Then break for food and repeat with the blah blah blah, argh!

Second conference was about the same, except more nutritious food served and held in a hotel in a major city. But no on-site gym or pool so they gave vouchers to go five blocks away to a regular gym. Thank goodness it had everything one could wish for. I was able to re-stock some almond milk and pick up organic dates and natural almonds at a health food store.

Upshot is I've gained five pounds. And I feel every five of them. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't exercised each day and actually ate all the crap food that was on offer?

I'm happy to be back home now and back to my regular food and exercise routines. I know the pounds will fall away pretty quickly in the next week or two. I've a three hour hike planned for tomorrow rain or shine!

Pushing myself

Got an hour in of yard work today, but afterward, I just felt sweaty, tired, less stressed but very deflated. I didn't want to mow the lawn and yank weeds but I knew that if I didn't get my fat ass in gear, it wouldn't get done. I'm feeling guilty that I don't have the energy to do my strength workout or yoga tonight.

Although I'm healthier than I was last year, my goal of being lean and fit seems so far away right at this moment. I know we all have these moments sometimes... and the trick is not to wallow like a pig in the muck and think that it is time to give up....because it's not. 

"Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."

- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar