Saturday, 28 September 2013


There's a fellow blogger here in the interwebz who reminds me quite a lot of my past self. And it makes me sad...

About ten years ago I was super-shy, introverted, only had one friend, likely depressed, lost in  an online world and a world of books and games, sleeping my weekends away, not going out of my parents' house very often and not dating or even thinking about experiencing true love.

Reading her blog makes me so uncomfortable because she's who I could have been had I stayed in my rut.

What changed for me long ago was I took a big risk to break away from my family, moving to another town and to taking a job outside my comfort zone.  After making a wide variety of friends and dating on and off, and pondering the universe thinking about what being human really means, I've started to settle into the life I'd longed for all those years ago.

This change didn't happen overnight. It took a few years to get the ball rolling.  I started small by reading books like the how to make friends ones by Dale Carnegie, then just getting out there in the world, joining clubs, volunteering for charities, asking guys out, making mistakes and making a fool of myself sometimes... because that's how you learn!

Now I have a great job, a loving man, plans for a family of our own and a large circle of friends near and far. I'm not as afraid as I was about meeting strangers in person or trying new things. Fear was holding me back for so long.

I still struggle with a few things, with fear every so often, communicating effectively with my man and of course my weight issues which I'll likely struggle with for the rest of my life. But I'm living this life as fully, completely as I can. I'm not wallowing in a sea of self-pity, I'm not sleeping my life away anymore.

"Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect..."  -Howards End by EM Forster.

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