Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I wasn't able to post as I usually do mid-week as a big snowstorm came rolling  through here and I spent a couple of my evenings shovelling snow.  After I was done, I chose a warm shower to rinse off the sweat, soothe sore muscles and then sleep instead of posting.

Blue Sky! A small break in the clouds

Another challenging issue is my computer, my rapidly ageing computer with its unsupported browsers. Although I am reading blogs, sometimes when I try to comment, the interwebz swallow the comments into the abyss.  I'll likely be using the computer at the office or the library as an alternative until I can buy a new computer after the holidays.  I'll do some research online but I just can't face an electronics store right now to test products; they are so crazy busy right now.

Weight on Wednesday: 169.8 lbs

Emotionally right now I'm facing some heartbreak.  I'm not going to go into details, but I'm having a tough time.  The reason why I mention it at all is to show how I am breaking the cycle of emotional eating.  

After a deluge of of work at the office, stress on the home-front, heartbreak and physical fatigue from shovelling, I was feeling just so tired of everything.  Five years ago, I would have most definitely soothed myself with food: ordered in a couple of pizzas, wings and fries and gorged over the course of the weekend.  

This time, when I came home and sat for a few moments on the couch, my thoughts strayed briefly to ordering in pizza and I had this little conversation with myself:

JUST STOP. STOP AND THINK.  What do you really want?

-To feel better yes of course, but ain't happening right now.  I can only focus on doing what is best for me. 

AND WHAT IS THE BEST FOOD?  It ain't two pizzas over two days is it?

-No. Only if I want to go back to being over 220lbs.

EASY CHOICE THEN?

-Yes. 

After that I got up, looked in my fridge, found eggs, green peppers, mushrooms and some lactose-free Swiss cheese and made myself an omelette. And truly felt so much better afterwards for making that choice.

What is important to me is to always have healthy choices available in the kitchen. If I didn't happen to have have eggs and veggies on hand, I do have a freezer with a few soups, a couple of portions of Moroccan chicken stew, some chili, and some frozen veggies.

With the holidays, both at work and at parties, the massive amount of food temptations are a bit overwhelming right now. I don't want to isolate myself by skipping out of all activities, but food centered activities I'm not participating in any. Like the cookie exchange and cookie competition at work. I'll be at my desk. I do not want to put myself into a difficult food situation on purpose.  What I can do is take it day by day, situation by situation, moment by moment, choice by choice.  Making the right choices.  And leaving parties early if need be.

I pledge not to gain weight over the holidays.  Last year, from American Thanksgiving to the Orthodox Christmas I lost 5lbs with the January Jeans Club.  I'm re-reading Marion's archived January Jeans posts from last year at Affection for Fitness to keep motivated.  Come January 1st, I will not have any regrets about my choices.

Blahs

Feeling kinda blah these past couple of days. I do know why partly, but the rest of the blahs is a mystery. With my mood and the freaky weather I've only been able to get outdoors and exercise a few times, however my main workouts are going to shift to the indoors i.e. my basement where the elliptical is acting as a clothes line right now.  I started yesterday morning with a few old-style exercises to get my heart pumping: jumping jacks and push-ups. I forgot how killer push-ups are.  I'm starting slowly...

Feeling out of sorts is no excuse for slacking and falling into a bag of chips.  I've been eating well, but once again I noticed my portion sizes creeping up...  not exactly  sure why my stomach is making me think I'm hungrier than usual. Likely emotional and added stress. And I started to have a cup of coffee in the afternoons in addition to my morning cup... not a good habit for me. I'll switch to decaf or tea.

The other day, I did try an experiment with using ground bison to bake a Tourtière rather than pork. It turned out really delicious! Will have to tinker a bit with the seasonings but I think it'll be a permanent change.

Weight this week is 171.3lbs. 

Back in the Saddle

And it feels good to shake off the sickness. Being back at work this week for a few days was exhausting: lots of things to do!

At home as well there are so very many items on my various "To Do" lists. Although my man was able to hold down the fort and keep pots from boiling over, I'm slowly getting back to my responsibilities and chores. Once the urgent stuff is taken care of, then I'll turn my mind to Christmas and buying gifts, decorating and baking a few Tourtières (French-Canadian meat pie) for upcoming pot-lucks. 

In the meantime, I still have to take things easy with exercise but that's not an excuse. I'm getting my doggies rollin'... Crack that whip, Rawhide!

With a Little Help from my Friends...

... I'm getting by. I've had such nice people stopping by with low-sodium high-veggie soups (potato-leek, onion with duck fat, carrot and pear, squash and sweet potato, minestrone and chicken noodle), deviled eggs, egg-salad sandwiches, roasted chicken and veggie casseroles... wow, such great friends.  It was also so nice to see such lovely comments from you all out there in the blogosphere; it really warmed my heart :)

My man is also more helpful these days, but not as a cook. He calls himself a sandwich-master and microwave jockey. He's been keeping busy with laundry, cleaning and  shoveling snow. We had our first big snowfall of the season, which usually happens mid to late November.

Unfortunately this recovery is taking longer than I thought, but the worst of the pneumonia is over. I'm still on strong meds and have been taking things slowly. I get dizzy a lot of the time, so slow is okay! I've also received advice from friends about eating immune boosting foods, taking various supplements and products. I think for me it was just bad timing... picking up a sinus infection which slowed me down, then picking up pneumonia, likely at the Dr.'s office or hospital, and that knocked me out. I haven't been this ill since I was a child, when I caught everything under the sun as children do. 

This time of year also is sad and difficult as it's the 2nd anniversary of my father's sudden death. Last year, we visited the grave; this year I could not go outside. It's been too cold and my lung can't take it.  I had to honour his memory a little differently by looking at pictures of the good times we shared, remembering our reflective talks and peaceful canoe excursions at the cottage that he built, and feeling that grief, not as sharp and breath-catchingly painful as it once was, but grief nonetheless.  My mother still has a hard time, of course, and I wish I could help her, ease her pain somehow... but she has made progress from last year when she had difficulty seeing a future for herself.

I did weigh myself because I was concerned about some bloating, my lack of activity and not tracking anything. I'm at 172.2 lbs,  so pretty much where I've been for the past while, in the low 170s.  It's reassuring that I haven't gained but for right now, I'll just concentrate on getting well and back to my old self again. 

Everything all at Once

Sometimes you go through periods when everything happens all at once and it's like that now for me.  I'm still sick, but with pneumonia now. So lots of drugs, rest and all the rest. Feeling lousy and it hurts to breathe. Tracking weight is not a priority, so I haven't weighed in. 

Thankfully I have a great man taking care of me and some great friends who have stopped by with some homemade soups. My stockpile of soup in my freezer ran out last week and I'm not a fan of the high-sodium low-veggie canned stuff. Once I feel better and am on the mend, then I'll get back to my old routines. 

Quickie Update

Another day left on antibiotics, hooray! I am shaking the sinus infection and feeling better than last week, but this is week three of the yuckiness and feeling meh.  Just started commenting on blogs again... got a lot of catching up to do online!
Still sticking with what works: lots of liquids, rest, some exercise, eating well and probiotics.
Weight is up by about a pound to 171.6 lbs.

Sicko

Not feeling my best these days, I was thinking it was just a little cold that wouldn't go away. But no, it's a bacterial sinus infection. Yuck! So I'm on antibiotics and taking every kind of measure to get better and to minimise the drug's side-effects:

• Lactose-free probiotics. There is a brand that is readily available in my neck of the woods that carries a choice of fermented rice or soy. 
• Drinking lots of liquids like water, water with lemon, seltzer and the occasional juice. I feel like it's about to pour out of my ears, but I know it's good for me. 
• Eating a bit less than usual since I don't have much appetite: scrambled eggs, sweet potatoes and lots of soups like chicken soup, onion, carrot & leek, squash&carrot. It's easy when I've already got a little stockpile in the freezer. Plus I'm getting lots of good vitamin C from natural sources.
• Exercise. No reason to stop moving except some fatigue. Walking in the morning but not briskly, well-off my pace but still moving. Pilates and yoga in the evening. I'd rather curl up on the couch and watch some cartoons but that's my old fat girl's excuse. 
• Rest. Getting a good night's sleep is essential. I do wake up to blow my nose but usually go right back to sleep. If I have trouble, I just listen to a short podcast or some soothing music and I fall asleep within 10 minutes.

Weight-wise I'm about the same, 170.7 lbs.

Long Sad Day and Wednesday Weigh-In

Getting this out of the way first... weighed in this morning as is my usual and the results: 170.5 lbs.  A 1/2 lb less than last week.  

It's been a very long day, a terribly sad day.  An incident on Monday where a soldier was killed surprised a lot of us and we had been told security levels had been raised from low to medium. Now today, a soldier was gunned down not a 10 minute walk away from work.  My heart really goes out to the families, this is so tragic.  Fellow Canadians killing Canadians is just a shock.

The office was on lock down all day, meaning no one could leave.  This was the first time we've faced this kind of emergency so everyone had varying levels of stress.  People reacted in very different ways:

• Some urged chocolate and comfort eating. 
• Some were generous enough to pool healthy lunch items for those who had planned to go out to a restaurant so didn't have any food to eat. There is no cafeteria in the workplace only vending machines.
• Some used gentle humour to diffuse tension. 
• A few were afraid and crying. 
• A few were angry. 
• And one colleague in particular spewed the most racist and hateful remarks I've ever heard, ever.  From past experience, I know there is no reasoning with this woman. She's been previously warned about her inappropriate behaviour. 

I just kept faith in the RCMP and local police and knowing that they were doing all they could to get the situation resolved.  

A few nice things happened today: 

• Most of us bonded together and helped one another through the long day. 
• The weather was nice enough so that when we were finally allowed to leave, walking an extra 30 minutes to get to public transportation was an easy walk. 
• A reward of a SweeTango apple (Honeycrisp hybrid) was all the indulgence I needed on a day like today
• Many loved ones and friends sent messages to ask if I was okay.

Off to take a bath and then to bed; it's been a long day. Take care out there folks.