Holiday Crunch

Where on earth did the time go? This past week flew by, and I forgot to post on Wednesday. Between work, volunteering, and shopping and then parties, it's been more of a whirlwind of activity. More than other years. Maybe it's also a good way to keep busy and keep my mind on other things, hmmm. It's been really hard to get workouts in there. I've only been able to twice... and that was on the weekend.

Navigating parties, pot-lucks, and restaurants has been hard. Temptations everywhere!!! A couple of times I was able to eat at home, then head to the party, but a few activities have taken place at work, or right after work. A couple of the restaurants had little to be desired on the menu--lots of deep-fried and pan-fried, not grilled or baked anything. I'm getting tired of ordering big salads for supper.

I do weigh myself almost every day, but I record it on Wednesday. This time only a small dip 202.9 lbs. It's been lower and higher through the weekend, but I just don't want any January regrets. A higher number on January 4th is not in my plans. A number below 200 lbs is possible, but I'll have to work hard to keep moving, and to stay away from all the goodies... In all honesty, I mean to stay away from most of the goodies! My mother bakes the best apple pie, and another family member makes a really not-too-sweet Bûche de Noël (Yule Log Cake) and I'm planning on one piece of each. Some goodies are not bad and make you gain--I'm also looking forward to those little oranges, so yummy.

I don't get to see all my family very often, so I'm especially excited about that. In previous years, food was the main way people used to show love, but not as much anymore. We play games, watch movies, go for a walk if there's no snow-storm or ice-storm, and hang-out. Hopefully we'll be able to build a snowman!!

Happy holidays everybody!

Wednesday Weigh-In

Everything's going well. A kitchen clean-up did a world of good. Unopened processed foodstuffs went to the donation box; stuff like crackers, cookies, juice boxes and cans of soda. I did a bunch of meal prep for lunches for the work-week and have been eating in the staff lounge rather than at my desk. No more being a desk lunch hermit for me! Might as well be a little more sociable while I'm trying to change. Everything's being tracked in MFP, and I'm trying to aim for 1600 cals or less.

Since we were inundated by almost two feet of snow this week, I got a good dose of shovelling in. I don't know if it burns as many calories as the elliptical, but when I'm done after an hour, I'm as a sweaty mess. And I just looked out the window, and more snow!

Forgot to add that I did have a nice spa day. Relaxing swim, sauna, massage, mani and pedi. Although I am a bit self-conscious about my body, I've realized with the help of a good bathing suit, there's no real reason not to enjoy swimming at a pool, or being at the beach, or enjoying a day at the spa.

Morning weight was 203.1 lbs. Down about 2 lbs from last week.

The Plan

Looking back through my past posts, any success I had was due to being consistent and committed, every single day. 

I'm going to go back to a Clean Eating template - natural whole foods, minimally processed. Meal prep is on Sundays for the workweek.

• Food  - Lots of vegetables, some protein, some carbs, some fruit. 
• Exercise - Daily walking outdoors, 5 x week cardio workout, 3 x week weight routine
• Mental - Continue working with therapist on issues, read health and wellness books from library to keep focus on getting fit and healthy.
• Accountability - Tracking food and exercise in My Fitness Pal, and at least weekly blog posts here with Wednesday weigh-ins.

Avoiding my pitfalls

• Impulse buys at the grocery store - Keep as much as possible to the perimeter where the produce, meats, fish, dairy and frozen stuff are kept. I gained weight on packaged pasta mixes, cookies, chips and other items located in the middle aisles of the store.
• Veggie boredom - I sometimes get tired of eating the same things over and over again, so I'll be sure to seek out new recipes, online or from vegetarian cookbooks.
• No temptations come into the house - Talk with my man again about not bringing in ice cream and chips. If it's in the house, I will seek it out and eat it eventually.
• Alcohol - with Holiday parties coming up, it's no excuse to go overboard.
• TV, Internet, and the sofa - these are distractions and I can easily get sucked into them for hours on end. Will be placing time limits on these.
• Vending Machine at work - I wont keep any loose change with me, so I wont be able to buy anything.

Starting Over

What do you do when you feel like you've lost everything in the world? I asked for help, leaned on loved ones, but I wasn't able to pull myself out of the black hole of depression. I've previously vaguely mentioned some medical issues from time to time here, those are fertility issues. This last miscarriage required hospitalisation due to complications.This has been heart-breakingly tough. All of it. Feeling like a failure is probably the worst aspect. Also not being able to see friends with their babies without crying, and the neighbourhood moms with their babies in strollers which would made me tear up uncontrollably.

With help of a therapist, I'm starting to come out of my black hole, but I do have to start facing facts. Health-wise I've gained a lot of fat and my muscles have become smaller. My cholesterol numbers could use improvement.

The way I've handled this, eating myself into oblivion was the worst solution. I know I did this to myself. Eating my feelings again... I know happiness can't be found in the bottom of a bag of chips, Doritos, chocolates, or baked goods. That didn't stop me from doing it anyway.

My weight this morning was 205.3 lbs. I've not regained all I previously lost, but I'm coming effing close to my highest scale number of 220 lbs in 2012. I can't believe I ate my way to a 40 lb gain in six months... but it's true.

I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting over again.