Wednesday Weigh-In

Everything's going well. A kitchen clean-up did a world of good. Unopened processed foodstuffs went to the donation box; stuff like crackers, cookies, juice boxes and cans of soda. I did a bunch of meal prep for lunches for the work-week and have been eating in the staff lounge rather than at my desk. No more being a desk lunch hermit for me! Might as well be a little more sociable while I'm trying to change. Everything's being tracked in MFP, and I'm trying to aim for 1600 cals or less.

Since we were inundated by almost two feet of snow this week, I got a good dose of shovelling in. I don't know if it burns as many calories as the elliptical, but when I'm done after an hour, I'm as a sweaty mess. And I just looked out the window, and more snow!

Forgot to add that I did have a nice spa day. Relaxing swim, sauna, massage, mani and pedi. Although I am a bit self-conscious about my body, I've realized with the help of a good bathing suit, there's no real reason not to enjoy swimming at a pool, or being at the beach, or enjoying a day at the spa.

Morning weight was 203.1 lbs. Down about 2 lbs from last week.

The Plan

Looking back through my past posts, any success I had was due to being consistent and committed, every single day. 

I'm going to go back to a Clean Eating template - natural whole foods, minimally processed. Meal prep is on Sundays for the workweek.

• Food  - Lots of vegetables, some protein, some carbs, some fruit. 
• Exercise - Daily walking outdoors, 5 x week cardio workout, 3 x week weight routine
• Mental - Continue working with therapist on issues, read health and wellness books from library to keep focus on getting fit and healthy.
• Accountability - Tracking food and exercise in My Fitness Pal, and at least weekly blog posts here with Wednesday weigh-ins.

Avoiding my pitfalls

• Impulse buys at the grocery store - Keep as much as possible to the perimeter where the produce, meats, fish, dairy and frozen stuff are kept. I gained weight on packaged pasta mixes, cookies, chips and other items located in the middle aisles of the store.
• Veggie boredom - I sometimes get tired of eating the same things over and over again, so I'll be sure to seek out new recipes, online or from vegetarian cookbooks.
• No temptations come into the house - Talk with my man again about not bringing in ice cream and chips. If it's in the house, I will seek it out and eat it eventually.
• Alcohol - with Holiday parties coming up, it's no excuse to go overboard.
• TV, Internet, and the sofa - these are distractions and I can easily get sucked into them for hours on end. Will be placing time limits on these.
• Vending Machine at work - I wont keep any loose change with me, so I wont be able to buy anything.

Starting Over

What do you do when you feel like you've lost everything in the world? I asked for help, leaned on loved ones, but I wasn't able to pull myself out of the black hole of depression. I've previously vaguely mentioned some medical issues from time to time here, those are fertility issues. This last miscarriage required hospitalisation due to complications.This has been heart-breakingly tough. All of it. Feeling like a failure is probably the worst aspect. Also not being able to see friends with their babies without crying, and the neighbourhood moms with their babies in strollers which would made me tear up uncontrollably.

With help of a therapist, I'm starting to come out of my black hole, but I do have to start facing facts. Health-wise I've gained a lot of fat and my muscles have become smaller. My cholesterol numbers could use improvement.

The way I've handled this, eating myself into oblivion was the worst solution. I know I did this to myself. Eating my feelings again... I know happiness can't be found in the bottom of a bag of chips, Doritos, chocolates, or baked goods. That didn't stop me from doing it anyway.

My weight this morning was 205.3 lbs. I've not regained all I previously lost, but I'm coming effing close to my highest scale number of 220 lbs in 2012. I can't believe I ate my way to a 40 lb gain in six months... but it's true.

I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting over again.

Still Hanging in There

Just an update... I'm still around, and I have not regained any substantial amount of weight. Many bloggers also stop posting when things in life get tough or busy, and that's happened to me. 

Health issues related to my kidneys, and a few other issues have plagued me since my last post. Add in dealing with depression. Life has been rough, but I'm getting through it with professional help and support from loved ones. Still quietly reading blogs from time to time, and it's really nice to see a lot of bloggers making progress. I'm still swinging back and forth in the 160 to 170 lbs range, and today I'm at 165.5 lbs.

Here's to blue skies ahead, rather than dark clouds.

Surviving Winter and Other Serious Things

This last month has been pretty intense here weather-wise. Lots and lots of snow here and I've been spending a lot of time after work shovelling. When the snowbank hits seven feet, yes seven, it gets hard to throw the snow over the top! And it's been so very cold. I usually like Winter, but now, not so much. It's overstayed its welcome! 

All the extra work outside does make me feel good, those calories are getting burned up, but the chill afterwards basically alters my evenings in a big way. Sometimes I have to take a long hot bath just to feel normal again. Thankfully, it looks like warm temps on are the way!!! I'm looking forward to Spring!

My mother has had her ups and downs, with a few trips to the hospital due to allergies to her new medications, and low magnesium issues, so I'm still very concerned about her health. Her doctor was very blunt with her and said she could indeed have another heart attack any time since her risk factors are still present. That's giving her motivation to do all she can not to die. She is trying her best to get back on track with diet and daily walking to avoid having another heart attack. She's started physiotherapy and strength training but finds the exercises difficult since for the past thirty years, she's not done much other than occasionally walking. We talk about all the challenges and her head is definitely in the right place. She's lost ten pounds so far.

In my last post I showed those Richard Simmons DVDs she sent me and they are a hoot!! I tried them both and yeah, I still have two big left feet. I'm not going to do them often, just when I need a fun and emotional lift.

I do have some health concerns of my own as well. I've been feeling unusually tired for the past six months or so, and I shouldn't be waking up groggy and puffy. After visiting the doctor, and getting a couple of preliminary tests out of the way, he warned me of a couple of possible issues, including possible pre-diabetes. More tests are necessary. Although he said possible, I'm not happy it right now. I thought I was out of the danger zone. Since I'm in fact still overweight, currently 166.3 lbs, and the weight is concentrated around my middle, that right there is a major risk factor.  After taking my blood pressure, which he said was a little high, he did say it could be nothing so not to worry... but I can't help it. 

So my goals for the next while are to continue to:

- exercise every day, with cardio 5-6 times a week, strength exercises 3 times per week

- eat well

- keep watch on my portion sizes

- stay low sugar, and low sodium. 

Adding in:

- try not to worry about everything 

- meditation

- warm baths

- listen to more music, less TV and Internet

- dip into savings to pay for a weekly massage 

Aw Snap!

Keeping on track this week with my food was difficult this week. I took my calories down to 1200-1300/day to see what happened and I just got hungrier and hungrier. Basically, I set myself up for failure. I scarfed down a bunch of chips without thinking. Not going to do that again. I really didn't like how I felt while eating them, almost out of control. Yeah... time to take a closer look at that issue.  Meanwhile, I'm making sure my calories stay in my sweet spot, 1500 to 1600. 

It's really super cold here! After a milder than usual January, we're now in a cold snap. When there are frostbite warnings, I don't exercise much outside at all. I did walk to the grocery store and back as always; it's not that far away. When the temps go down like this from -20C to -40C (-4F to -40F), I throw on a few layers and bundle up. Down coat with hood, and it goes down to the knee, a knit hat, long johns, tightly woven jeans and a good pair of tall boots with a thick sole (or a pair of real mukluks). My mitts are boxer glove style. I won't let the cold trap my in the house. But I'm never out longer than 30 minutes in one stretch when it gets past -30C. My workouts are indoors. Elliptical or doing DVDs. Get a load of what my mother sent me for Valentine's Day...

She's hilarious! She's trying to get healthy after a heart attck this Fall, so we're motivating one another, especially with humour. Anyway, back in the day, during a slight chubby phase, I tried to Sweat to the Oldies but failed miserably because I'm pretty uncoordinated. If I remember rightly, there are a lot of dance moves in these routines and I just couldn't keep up! I'll have to try again to see if I'm more coordinated now. Probably not :)

Better Every Day

I've continued on with a modified version of the meal plans that I posted about  last time. I did add back in chicken and fish this week. No vegetarian life for me :)  I definitely feel better with less protein, and eating more veggies. While I still get cravings for foods I shouldn't have, the different kinds of foods on the plans left me feeling more satisfied after eating. It totally got me out of the food rut I was in. Bananas are not longer a staple of my diet either. Just got bored eating them, you know? They were my go-to morning snack, now more of a once or twice a week thing. Replaced them with a few dates and a small amount of nuts.

Since it's been icy and not ideal winter weather here, I've been turning more and more to indoor workouts. I dusted off some old cardio DVDs and have been doing them about 3 x per week (Leslie Sansone as well as the Caribbean workout with Shelly McDonald).  The other 3 days are for the elliptical.  Plus some stretching right after, about 15 minutes of yoga or pilates. 

With food and exercise, I have been consistent and it's paying off. Weight 165.0 lbs  

Taming the Appetite Beast

For whatever reason, I'm feeling so very hungry these days. I haven't figured it out exactly since I have a lot going on.  It's certainly one of five factors that is almost pushing me over the edge, which includes work stress and family stress.

I'm not acting on those hunger pangs, but feeling them super-strongly. Since I'm down another pound this week, I don't want to undo any progress. Grocery shopping is the worst because I smell the baked goods, and the temptation to buy a dozen pastries is very strong. Or when passing he deli counter, falling face-first into a big tray of lasagna seems like a good idea.

I decided to change things up a little to try to stifle my appetite. Tomorrow, I'm going to finish cobbling together a vegetarian meal plan for the week, starting Sunday. I'm using the Vegetarian Times Anti-Diabetes Diet and their 7 Day Portion Control Challenge as a guide. Some of the suggestions aren't my thing, like eggplant or breakfast tacos, so I will be making modifications to my own tastes. The cost of some vegetables and fruit has gone through the roof this week, so I'll have to be flexible. 

Exercise-wise, I'm still working on being 100% consistent. I'm about 75% so far.  I do get my walks in every day. But after work, it's sometimes tough to get that evening workout done. Sprucing up my workout space did encourage me to stick with my plan. By changing the lighting and re-arranging a few things, it made the space a bit more light and welcoming. 

The fight against my sloth and gluttony continues...