Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Wednesday Weigh-in

That number on the scale has gone down this week. I think mainly it's because I'm being more active overall. With the snow and ice melting off the sidewalks  and the weather warming up, I can do a lot more walking! It's still cold here in the mornings, around 0C (or 32F) then it gets a little warmer during the day. 

Making sure to get in more protein during the day so I'm not super-hungry by the time I get home. I add an extra egg in the morning then some tuna with veggies for an afternoon snack. My lunch is about the same portion and calorie-wise but my supper, in consequence of moving the calories around, is a little smaller.

Still fighting off various food cravings especially in the evenings. Definitely not hungry, just craving. Wow, it is ever a mental game these days! I usually ignore those thoughts, have a glass of water, maybe some tea, then keep busy and stay out of the kitchen. Doing laundry and keeping on top of chores helps before putting in a strength training and/or T'ai Chi DVD.

Still limiting my personal Internet time to an hour per day. It's still tough but necessary.

At work, I have been able to stay away from the pre-Easter treats left out on the common tables by the manager of another sector... who is struggling to lose weight. Great camaraderie, eh? I don't need that kind of sabotage.

Telling myself something like this helps: 
"It's just horrible tasting, cheap-ass chocolate and won't do me any good just make me fat!" 

Weight this week: 189.4lbs

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Had some tough discussions over the course of the past week separately with three friends. These people are among my circle of friends but wouldn't call them my closest friends. These folks hadn't been exactly supportive during the last while. Examples are snarky comments at get-togethers about my career, looks, weight, food and exercise.  These comments were not in the spirit of "tough love" which I am always open to, but these were put-downs designed to hurt.

Normally I wouldn't dream of being so confrontational or even think of addressing these issues... I'd just let it go... Letting these people just fade out of my life.  But I've made a commitment to cleaning up and improving my life from top to bottom, in and out. I have to take a stand.

I confronted them with some concrete examples like, During the evening, you said ____ and that really hurt my feelings.

I was hoping for an acknowledgement of past behaviour and a willingness to put it in the past and start fresh. Two did admit to bitchiness, we exchanged apologies and we're moving forward. 

With the other, it was a difficult conversation, she felt I was being unreasonable so I said: If that's how you feel, I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you.

Life is too short. Really. Deciding to keep positivity in my life is the easiest decision I've ever made.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Results of Unplugging and a Weigh-in

This has been a hard week since I put limits on my personal Internet time. I use a stop watch to clock every minute. I haven't gone over the hour total per day, but so far, it's been difficult. It's made me prioritize, keep my thoughts organized and type more quickly LOL  I do have tons more time to fill in the evenings with productive activity like cleaning, organizing, reading and food prep for the next day. It's all good :)

On the exercise front, it has helped that the weather's warmed up here. Everything's melting and it feels like Spring might just be around the corner. Since the sidewalks are now pretty well clear, I've started walking part of the way home from work. I do have more time in the evenings for being active. Following along the best I can to a 40 minute strength training or Jillian Michaels DVD (the sound is on mute because I can't stand her raised voice, her podcasts are fine though) followed by 25 minutes of  T'ai Chi.

On food, the house is packed with healthy food, no junk, no crap. I still have trouble with portions at suppertime. By the time I step inside after work, I'm ravenous. Looking over my food journals, and after doing some calculations, I'm not getting enough protein during the day. I'm looking at ways to get more in without eating nuts, which are triggering for me right now. I also have to remember to rehydrate after walking part of the way home.

Weight is 192.8lbs 
Slightly up from last week. I was hoping for a 1 or 2lb loss. I can't let the scale get me down, rather, I have to keep being consistent with the plan I've laid out. Drowning my disappointment in a bag of chips will get me nowhere... just fatter.

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Cleaning Er'thing

Even though Spring is still a long way off here (maybe in June or July the 7 foot snowbank will have melted!) I've made some headway on "Spring cleaning" my life:

-Diet is cleaned up
-Mental health is on its way
-Clothes in the closet are being sorted
-Paperwork is almost all cleaned up
-Leisure time at home is cleaned up as well (limits on Internet, TV/movie watching, shopping online)
-Daily fitness routine is set

I'd already started decluttering earlier this winter. But also letting things, objects, habits and behaviours and whatever else accumulate in my life has not been a good thing. How could it be? It's all made my entire life cluttered and tough to navigate through day to day. Ah, what a little therapy can do to make you realise issues and wake up! 

On relationships, as in friends and acquaintances, this will be the hardest part. Dropping unsupportive friends. Sigh! Most of the people I trust are supportive and have been there for me. But there are three ladies who have in the past six months or so have made snarky comments on my food choices and how I choose to live my life. What I've decided to do is to speak to the three who seem to put me down the most and basically present them with an ultimatum. I could just let people like these fade away, but in this case, I've decided to get some courage and face them head-on. I thought that inherently these are good people at their core, so I'll give them a chance to see my side of things. It's like with a band-aid, you know you either slowly peel it off or just rip it off! LOL

So basically: I'm changing the things I can to improve my life in every way.

With part of my daily hour of personal Internet time, which has been a difficult challenge!, I've been going through Zen Habit's Archives to get a different view on things:

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Unplugging (sort of) and Weigh-in

I'm finding that I'm spending too much time on Twitter and Facebook.  There are some programs that you can install, but I decided to keep track with a timer on my watch, pencil and paper.  After tracking of all the minutes, tallying everything up, and result is the total personal Internet time is getting to be way too much. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's 18.4 hours per week.

That's a lot of time escaping from stuff I should be doing at home. Yep procrastinating! Stuff like clearing up my paperwork. I'm still trying to get my financial records in chronological order. A big pile just wont cut it. Even if it's  now all in one place.  I also feel tired/drained after being online sometimes, like my energy has been sucked dry. Likely I'd feel better if I exercised or did some productive activity in the evenings instead.

Plan for the next month:
    •    One hour per day maximum personal Internet time
    •    Allowed: Visiting educational or informative websites that will help improve my life
    •    Allowed: Blog reading the weight-loss blogs I follow, commenting, posting
    •    Allowed: Sending/receiving e-mail
    •    No Twitter or Facebook (except for replying to direct messages)
    •    No Chat
    •    No trashy news or gossipy sites like TMZ or CDAN
    •    No YouTube

Doing well on eating and staying on plan. Exercise, other than keeping my morning commitment to walking, it's clear I'm not getting in enough. I do meditate, yoga, or T'ai Chi in the evenings before bed, but I think with organising my time differently, I will either hop on the elliptical or pop in an exercise or strength training DVD before supper.
Weight: 192.1 lbs.

Saturday, 22 March 2014

Just Another Saturday

Although it's snowing again here for the umpteenth time this winter, my mood is not as black as it has been.  It's been a little warmer and sunnier lately so maybe I'm also getting a boost in vitamin D. I won't say my joie de vivre has come back, but it's on its way. I still think about what could have been but I try to keep positive and know that we'll have other chances to get pregnant again. 

My man and I have been doing our homework from the counsellor and for one exercise, we just cracked up laughing. The others we do find helpful, like extended hugging. That's something we never really did before.

Tonight will be a quiet night in for us. We'll either watch a hockey game and/or some movies. Some friends had to cancel due to a death in the family so they have to travel to a funeral.

Activity today: I do have a ton of snow shovelling to do and a grocery run (yep still going by foot, the car stays in the garage!).

Food: So far on plan, but need to drink more water!

  • Coffee with almond milk
  • 2 Eggs scrambled with Green and Red Peppers with Mushrooms with 1tsp olive oil (spice: cayenne pepper)
  • 1 Apple with 1tbsp organic Sunflower Seed Butter
  • Supper will be:  grilled Chicken or Fish with a big veggie salad (julienned Carrots and Beets on Spinach. Dressing: lemon and olive oil with Poppy Seed salad dressing seasoning (no salt).
  • Either an Orange or 1 cup Pineapple for something sweet to cleanse the palate
  • Evening: Herbal Tea (sometimes I'll add 1/2 tsp locally-made honey)

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Getting Better and Weighing In

I've continued on the right path and have stopped filling the void with food. Had another session this week with my counselor.  Aside from our discussions, she said it's a good idea to continue with my food journal, to keep walking every morning and to do a relaxing activity in the evening like yoga or T'ai Chi or meditation. My man joined me for a few sessions and it's also helping him and helping us heal together.

We're also looking to get away somewhere next month if we can find some money. (We do have savings, but they are earmarked for other projects. This never-ending winter has taken a big toll. We're just tired of the grey and cold. Even if it's for a nice little weekend.  In the meantime, we did go for a swim and relaxing sauna which lifted our spirits.

Physically I have more energy and being back at work has helped me get back into a good structured routine, which is what I need right now.  Sleep is difficult but it's getting better daily. Mentally, I'm a work in progress.

Weigh in: 193lbs. I know it was much higher and I expected it to be up with everything and all the crap eating last week.  It'll be down next week.

Monday, 17 March 2014

A Few Cashews Too Far... and then some

I've been throwing myself a pity party. My biggest issue is using food to cope with feelings. There is damage but it's been better this time around. In the past I would have crappy food all day, eaten take-out every night, burgers, pizza and Chinese food, I would snacked on bags and bags of snacks. Yesterday, as I finished the last cashew out of the bag, I said to myself: That's it, pity party's over! 

For full disclosure, here's the crap I ate over the course of this past week:

  • 4 cups plain chips
  • 12 onion rings
  • 3 high quality chocolate bars
  • 1 low quality chocolate bar
  • 3 cups ice cream
  • assorted sweet snacks at a St. Pat's party we couldn't get out of on Saturday (5 cookies, 3 small slices of different kinds of cake)
  • 4 popsicles
  • 3 griddled bacon and cheese sandwiches
  • 3 cups cashews (roasted and salted)
Yes indeed, I kept track. I'm not sweeping this under the rug. Why should I?

I know that this snacking is doing me absolutely no good, physically and mentally.  It's over. 

Today was a good day. Ate on plan, exercised, worked up a sweat, felt good. Now to repeat, again, again and again! 

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Fertility: I Wish I Knew This Earlier

A local fertility doctor was interviewed by the media on the rise of fertility treatments:

The once prevailing view, he said, was that fertility for women started to drop at 35 years old. But no longer. "For women the best-before date is somewhere between 32 and 35, and for men it's around 40,"

No doctor, even when I had a regular doctor and gynaecologist, mentioned anything about this issue, ever. I had thought eggs were good until your early 40s, then they run out. Wrong. The quality decreases over time. And it's different for each woman.

Maybe I would have made some different choices had I known. Whether it would be just getting started on baby making quicker or freezing my eggs, I have no idea. No point looking back. As they say hindsight is 20/20.

Sigh. So this is the ongoing health issue that affects my life and has done in a big way since last year. My man and I have been trying to have a baby. We have been going through IVF after I initially lost over 35 lbs.

Being over 35 years of age, my fertility doctor is more concerned about the quality of my eggs and not so much my weight while going through the treatments.  Weight is certainly an issue during pregnancy with diabetes and preeclampsia and other weight-related issues a concern.

For me, being bombarded with drugs, hormones, blood draws, ultrasounds countless appointments and disappointments has been exhausting. Not just physically, but emotionally. My man has been a rock and we've grown closer than ever.

Next step for me: Boosting up my exercise routine while on a break from the baby making... once I'm through this most recent disappointment.

I keep in mind that I can't give up hope.

No weigh-in this week.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014


Haven't felt like doing much lately. Have kept up my morning walks and am making the right food choices. I can only think it's the long winter getting to me. Most of my friends and colleagues also have winter burn out... even the ones who love winter and ski every weekend. Mostly it's been very cold but, today was nice and sunny with signs of melting snow on the driveway, but not my seven-foot snowbank on my front lawn! LOL Got some fresh air and a shot of vitamin D in the form of sunshine. That helped boost my spirits.

Weight 189.5 lbs.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014


My weekend was great. We had a nice little thaw, we spent time outdoors in lots of sun, I felt good and had full of energy at the end of the course of antibiotics. Went to the clinic for a re-test to make sure the infection was all gone and wouldn't you know it, I picked up a nasty disgusting cold. The kind that you have to keep plenty of tissues with you wherever you go. Almost one of worst ones I've ever had. It seems to be fast moving so I hope I'm not out for too long. 

I've been a couch surfer for the past couple of days but sticking to my morning walk, even if the temperature outside has gone back to being cold, colder and cold. T'ai Chi in the evenings instead of yoga. (Can't breathe in Downward Dog!) Been taking vitamins, cleansing my nasal passages using the Neti pot, not eating much but when I do it's nutritious food and drinking lots and lots of water. Also watching tons of movies from Jackie Chan to Pride and Prejudice has kept my mind off my clogged nose and aching/pounding head. I'll catch up with reading blogs later in the week when I can focus better.

One thing I am glad I did a few weeks ago was to make a ton of soup and freeze it. Squash-carrot with a chicken bone broth base. My cravings for bready carbs that I was dealing with since Valentines have faded away for now. Thank you nasty cold!

Weight is at 190lbs, so down a pound from last week. Once I'm back to 100% health I'll re-evaluate what I'm doing to see if I can get off this 190s plateau.

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Links and Weigh-in

With the antibiotics kicking in, I've been staying quiet (other than going to work), drinking lots of water, and trying to keep a couple of nasty side effects at bay. Weight has gone up a pound but I know I haven't been as active as I should be. Come the weekend, my energy should be back to normal.

I have been thinking about triggers ever since Valentines Day when I had some gluten and lactose-free pizza. Looking back, I shouldn't have eaten any since it's triggered cravings for more. I really don't much eat bread or cheese anymore. Not very French of me, I know! A true insult to my heritage. My relatives think me crazy anyway for not wanting to set food into a bakery. I told them I have little control these days. Diane Carbonell at Fit to the Finish today posted some good  Tips for Managing Trigger Foods

A backslide can happen very very quickly. About 10 years or so ago, I was a size or two larger than I am now so an 18+. I began walking an hour a day and lost about 20lbs. I started lifting in the gym, using the machines and free weights with the guidance of a trainer and got down to a size 12. The regain back to the size 18 and plus-size didn't take too long at all. Less than four months. 

Backsliding is not an option for me. I know the health-risks if I regain. High blood pressure, diabetes and more await me if I go off the rails. 

To keep on the path to health, I choose when I can, and when I can afford to, to eat organic and local. I don't buy much processed food but did you know the maker of Oreos in the organic food business too? Lara Bars are owned by General Mills, the company promoting GMOs? How did I miss that? Corporations see there's money in this business so here a link to an infographic showing Corporate Takeovers in Organics

Monday, 17 February 2014

Valentines and Antibiotics

Had a great Valentines Day with my man. Lots of good conversation and laughs. Chose to have some gluten-free pizza and a little chocolate. No alcohol. Just didn't feel like it. Oddly, over time, my alcohol tolerance and cravings have gone down over time. Wish I could say the same about chips!

So the bad news is I'm currently on antibiotics right now. Kidney infection. Had a few symptoms on Friday night and woke up on Saturday morning with that pain in my side and I knew right away I had to get to the clinic. In addition to drinking tons of water, I'm taking some probiotics. Since I'm lactose intolerant, yoghurt is out, so I'm taking a fermented rice organic probiotic instead. Yoghurt is much cheaper! Once I'm done with the drugs, I'll be more vigilant about my water intake and getting in my cranberry capsules.

We got another dump of snow here so I've been shoveling and shoveling. Very glad it was fluffy snow and that it was windy so I had an extra push to help me fling it over my huge snow bank. I'm working my arms and shoulders like crazy this winter. My man spent the time indoors watching the Olympic hockey matches... Ain't love grand! LOL

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Stress and other business

A lot of little stressors have been steamrolling lately into a big old ball of Stress. Sleep hasn't been good, work has been blah, the commute has been nightmarish, a needy colleague, TOM, and a new medication with some not so good side effects. 

What have I done to keep from letting things get to me?
  • NOT giving in to cravings for salty chips, followed by a chocolate chaser
  • Keeping my commitment to walk briskly every morning, even if it's -30C/-22F.
  • Yoga or T'ai Chi in the evenings and some stretching at my desk during the day
  • Preparing breakfast the night before so I save as much time as I can to walk in the mornings
  • Talking, venting really, to my man and some friends
  • Getting to bed early with a good book
  • Breathing deeply
And above all, focusing on what I CAN change rather than what I can't.
  • Sleep: Can't do anything about the quality, except no caffeine, but I have been able to improve the quantity by getting to bed earlier.
  • Work: I do love my job, it's just everything can come flying in at once. I'm prioritizing and taking one task or project on at a time.
  • Commute: Nothing I can do. Public transportation is the only way to get in and out of downtown. I'm currently reading a good book, so if I have to wait an extra 30 to 50 minutes then at least I'll be entertained.
  • Needy colleague: Letting her know I got a lot on my plate right now and if she wants me to review her work, rather than disturbing me every hour we can schedule an block of time in the early afternoon instead.
  • TOM: Well... he's predictable anyway.
  • New Meds: Talked things over with my friendly neighbourhood pharmacist who reassured me the side-effects were not unusual, dizziness, headaches, dry mouth, ect., just that I'm getting them all. She recommended a few things to try to lessen them, but if to talk to my Doc if things get bad.
Weigh-in time: The scale has been up and down 5lbs with water retention since I last posted and has now settled these past two days at 190lbs. In view of this past week, that's a number I'll take.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Consistency and a Challenge

Glancing at the workout calendar on my fridge, I noticed more frowney faces than smiley ones.  Looking back on January's calendar, one week I've hit my targets then the next week, only 2 of 6.  I've been constantly struggling with this since mid-January.

I delved into the Angry Trainer's archives and found a little post Why Your Workout Isn't Working: Consistency. Everything he says here applies to me.

No matter how clean and compliant my food intake is, it just can't make up for not being active on a regular basis.

Exercise is a habit that is not yet ingrained in me. It should  be by now. I know that if I'm sluggish and don't get any activity, it builds and builds into total inaction day after day. This is a cycle I want to break. Before I start gaining weight and going back to the way I was.

Looking back at what works for me.... with eating anyway... it was the Whole30 that changed what I eat and the way I eat. Simply, I feel better.  And what the reason I tried the Whole30 in the first place? It was that it came to the point where I needed a big swift kick in the ass to change my ways. I felt myself backsliding mentally into my old ways, exactly like I do now. 
For the next 30 days, during weekdays I am challenging myself to wake up a half hour earlier, at 6:30am to walk briskly outside rain or shine.  Well, here where I live,  it'll be in either a snowstorm or icy cold, or maybe both. On weekends, this will be the first thing I do when I wake up.  The only way for me to get into this habit is to make a firm commitment starting today.