Almost, but not quite

Had a tough day today. One of many these days. When I got home, I just wasn't in the best mood or head space. Tonight I almost binged. A small variety of delivered crap was in front of me and I could only eat a couple of pieces of white-meat fried chicken. I picked the skin off, too greasy and tasted like cigarette ashes.

Even though I consciously know not to turn to food for comfort, I still sometimes do. No matter how many books I read or how much counselling I get.  I'm just glad I was able to stop and think and act before it was too late... Before I felt bloated and sick and ashamed. 

I've thrown out the rest of the food, except the green salad. I'll save that for tomorrow.  I'm still a bit hungry, but I'm making a better choice: some wild strawberries from my garden. Cleanses the palate nicely :)  Sweet, tiny and delicious and what my body needs. Not crap processed junk food. Before bed, I'll head for a nice relaxing bath and a good think about things.

Working Hard to Maintain

You know, I just wish things were easier but they are not. So I have to deal with these issues rather than bury my face in a pile of chips or chocolates like I might have done a few years back.  I'm having to work so much harder now just to maintain at 181 lbs.  Food is being tracked. Exercise has been stepped up, literally. Still walking before and after work but also walking up and down the stairs in my house, since it's nice and cool inside :)

One thing I've slacked on this past week is hydration. I have get that water in! Especially now that we have hotter and more humid days.

I've also been getting "sausage fingers" during the walks outdoors. But that's a normal circulation issue  for me--means my body is working extra hard.

Lime Jello hankerings have been driving me a little insane, but I've been ignoring then so far. Why of all things lime jello??  Sugar, sodium, or the gelatin?  I tried limes in my water, limes and a little stevia with water... but no dice. I've got some people coming over this weekend. If I'm still hankering for this, I'll do up some jello shots for them and make a little 1 cup of the green goo for me.

I'm looking forward to some time off work soon. I love my job, but everyone needs a break once in a while. One week is okay. But with two or more away, I feel like I've really left the job and those worries behind. Even if it's just a staycation. Lots of music fests are and will be happening so I'm going to unwind to the music!

Anyway I bought a lottery ticket, a very rare purchase for me. Who knows, maybe I'll win a free ticket! Ha!

Weigh-In Wednesday and Re-Thinking Food

I've been doing okay and have been walking briskly part-way to work 4/5 days. And try a get a quickie nooner walk in there too. Trying to be active at the end of the work day is tough and it to be honest it doesn't happen. I do about 5K total for the day. Right now my goal while on these meds is not to gain. Another month or so and I should be off them. So far I've been successful in keeping away the gains: I'm still at 181 lbs.  

As for food, I looked over my little collection of recipe and weight-loss books over the weekend and I did try a few new recipes...

Breakfast:
-Veggie packed mini-quiches (no crust, with a small bit of lactose-free Swiss cheese)
Lunch:
-Turkey Burger on a Portobello mushroom cap, topped with grilled zuchs and onion 
Supper:
-Lemon Garlic Shrimp with asparagus and peppers

They were good and didn't require too much more time in the kitchen than usual. I think for the last  while I did find myself in a bit of a cookery rut there. I truly hate spending hours in the kitchen. My Mom loves it and would do it the live-long day but I didn't inherit the kitchen gene. I'd rather spend my time in my studio painting or meeting friends or just enjoying the day. So I usually prep on the weekends and freeze a lot of meals. Helps me out especially when I come home some nights nearing 7pm! Blah! Those are the nights when I do come home hungry, tired and vulnerable to naughty temptations. Having good nutritious food around saves my bacon, ha ha! 

Seriously, on those nights, I do consciously take time to eat at the table, preparing a nice setting, chew slowly and savour what I'm eating.  Just that small change has been so so helpful in turning my fat-girl thinking around. Mindless eating is a sure road back to morbid obesity.

Wednesday Weigh-in

Even though I'm following almost the same food and activity that I have for the past several weeks, weight has not shifted much all week. I weigh myself every morning, but record officially on Wednesdays. I'm at 181 lbs. I know the medication I'm on has fatigue and weight gain as possible side effects... I'm fighting it as much as I can. 

Food these days is about the same with some variations on lunch and dinner. I just have to be careful with portion sizes:

Morning: 2 Eggs with mushrooms and peppers (usual); or oatmeal and berries with almond milk, vanilla and cardamom (once a week or so); or smoothie with protein powder (twice a week or so).

1 cup coffee with almond milk 

Lunch: Grilled chicken or beef or bison on salad with 1/2 avocado sometimes with soup; or nori roll with smoked salmon or tuna with avocado, cukes and carrots

Snack: Small apple with sunflower seed butter; or tuna and red peppers

Supper: About the same kind of meal as lunch, just a smaller portion

-If still hungry in the evening, I have a cup of tea with a small amount of honey and tough it out until morning.

To all this I drink about 2 to 3 litres of water a day. 

Otherwise, not much new here. Battling dandelions and crazy growing vines in the garden. I'm certainly not missing the over 7 foot high snowbanks we had this past winter :)

Summer Clothes

A few weeks ago, I tried on a bunch of summer clothes that I had stored away from last year. Nothing is tight on me. Hooray!  Some pants and shorts are too loose in the hip and thigh, but can be belted so they are saved for now. Two pairs of low-rise shorts are way too loose and just can't be worn anywhere. Falling off my ass is not a good look.  Some of the tops are also looking shabby. So I've been clothes shopping. I don't mind it because I can usually find clothes that fit... eventually... but sometimes it's tough for this fat girl. It gets easier every season when I'm a bit smaller than the season before :) 

Trying everything on takes a while. I'll try on twenty items and only purchase one or two. I figure if it doesn't fit perfectly and isn't flattering, why waste money on it?  I used to think it fits, so it'll do. Not anymore. Even if something fits, it can make you look 20lbs bigger if it's a tent.

I've picked up a couple of nice skirts and one new top so far. From the thrift shop of all places!  This weekend, I'll be hitting the stores again.

One little problem I'm having is trying to find a nice comfortable light-weight summer jean. Most of the ones that fit my curves have 10 to 30% polyester along with cotton. Yep polyester, the enemy of the chubby girl in the hot summer heat. Gives a new definition to "hot pants"!

Since my man is away this weekend, I'll be doing a blitz with a friend on Saturday and on my own for the rest of the stores on Sunday. Lots of walking in the malls and the big box stores. Must remember to bring my big bottle of water this time! On the menu for lunch, a restaurant with lots of healthy options. The menu is online so I've already made my choice: Baby kale salad with cucumber, tomato and avocado, a bit of crumbled bacon, a bit of goat cheese topped with grilled chicken. I'm skipping the dressing and will ask for a lemon instead. Planning in advance is setting myself up for success, not restaurant failure!

Good Night's Sleep and Weigh-In Wednesday

The weather here has been hot, then cold, then rainy, the, warm then muggy. Basically all over the place. Didn't stop me from walking though.  I find with this medication I'm on, fatigue definitely sets in during the late afternoon. If I want to do any exercise that takes energy, it's got to be in the morning. And I'm such morning person! not.  

But I've got to do this. Not fail again. Even if it means getting up earlier, I've got to put my health as a priority. So far during the work week, 4 out of 5 morning brisk walks. And 3 quickie noon walks. Super-long weekend walks or hikes are definitely not first thing in the morning, but I got it done both days.  Still stretching every evening.

Sleep has been good, surprisingly so! I've added a warm bath before bed and that really seems to help me mentally unwind. One particularly hot and sticky night, I slept on the pull-out in the basement. I'm too cheap to keep the air conditioner running all the time :)

Food-wise, there have been moments of temptation: vending machines, free samples of organic dark chocolate at the grocery, chips at a party. I was able to resist. Thing is, I knew after having a bite of any of it,  I'd use it as an excuse to keep on eating and eating.  Reason being I've been stressing over some controlling mother-in-law stuff.  Think a carbon copy of Marie Barone from the sit-com Everybody Loves Raymond. 

Weight this week, a teensy bit lower than last week: 181.1lbs