Saturday, 15 December 2012

Going through the motions

I find these days difficult. Swinging emotions between sadness and sometimes a flash of joy now and then, but most times I feel unconnected and indifferent.

Most times I go through the motions, like putting up a for real Christmas tree for the first time or going to a Christmas party.  Although it felt nice for a little while, I don't think my man realizes the depth of the grief I feel. He figures it's been a month, so shouldn't I be back to normal? He was surprised I backed out of some invitations to parties this week, but the thing is I'm finding that pasting on a fake smile is taking a lot of mental and physical energy. The activities I took pleasure in before do not really make much difference to me one way or the other right now.  I hope this will change with time.

I've been paying more attention to my diet and not mindlessly eating my emotions all the time.  Exercise is still not regular, but it's better than it was.  Today is a beautifully sunny and cold day so I'll  bundle up and head out for a long walk this afternoon.

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