Holiday sadness

This was the saddest Christmas. Without my Dad, the holiday seemed empty. I had a house of people here and even with that distraction and activity, I was still so sad from time to time. I tried to put on a front while playing hostess, but sometimes the mask would slip. My Mom and Brother feel the same... lots of ups and downs.

One thing about having a houseful of guests, which included a bunch of teenagers, is the houseful of food... specifically junk food. For some reason this time around, I don't have the same insane urge to eat all the crap in the house. From chips, to chocolate, to ice cream, I'm not hungry. I did have small tastes of it, like a chip or two, but then I didn't continue eating. Maybe I really get it know that food won't fill the empty places in my heart or soul. Nothing can right now.

I also have a house of liquor, various bottles of wine, champagne, beer, hard cider but I am not tempted to drink and numb out my feelings.

One thing I do miss is walking. There's just too much snow here on the roads from the recent snowstorms and it's dangerous to walk around my neighbourhood. Once the plows get around to doing the sidewalks, I'm sure it'll be better. Until then I have my elliptical and mini-tramp, but I'd rather get out and get some fresh air.