Resisting Halloween candy

So far, so good! I bought mini-Hersey candy bars for the trick or treaters and the bonus is it's the kind that I don't really like. I tried one as a test and I spat it out. If it were Cadbury's, look out, I'd have inhaled a whole box of 90 candy bars in a weekend!! Any left-over treats are going to work. They'll be eaten in no time there by the guys.

As a kid, I used to love getting popcorn balls at Halloween, but the days of homemade goodness are long gone.  Don't want to be tempted into making a batch for myself right now.

On the health front, I'm dealing with tension headaches. I've never had them before, so I'm hoping this is just temporary.

Still having trouble fitting in the extra workouts into my week, I'm at a steady 3 per week right now, so I'm just not progressing. Maintaining only. I've got to get off my fat butt and get those other 3 in there. I want to make that big butt of mine shrink! I've got enough time before Christmas to get cracking on this. Christmastime is a mine-field of fatty and high calorie food and goodies everywhere.  I've got to make a 6 day per week exercise routine an integral part of my life. It can't wait.

Oops, I did it again

Had a major craving for salt and vinegar chips. Caved into the feeling and went to the dépanneur (that's what we call the corner store around here) and got myself a bag. Well I knew that I would end up throwing most of a big bag away, so I chose a small single-serving sized bag. Almost went for some Doritos, tempting but chose the chips I was craving. After eating the small bag of Baked Lays Salt & Vinegar chips I felt satisfied, not overly full. 

BUT THE NEXT DAY... all that sodium just threw my body for a loop. Turns out my body knows more than than my brain. I've not been kind to my body over the years, I have to learn to trust it now.

Self-sabotage

Why is it when you're making progress you decide to make bad choices?  It's one thing to have a slip or give yourself a treat once in a while but if it's a continued repetition of badness over days... that equals self-sabotage.

For me my main triggers are emotions, loneliness, fear, and frustration, but also PMS.

On the emotional side, what's working for me is continuing to make small steps and being aware of what's happening on the inside when I'm sabotaging. Books and information online about mindful and intuitive eating have helped me re-learn to recognize what feeling full actually means.

With becoming more fit, I know if I skip exercising for more than a couple of days or choosing an easy short walk instead of challenging myself to power up "mo-fo" hill, that means I'm starting to fuck up. I check myself, ask myself why am I not getting up off the couch, and begin from scratch the next day.

With food, it's the grocery store and the tempting treats everywhere! I keep to the produce section, meat section, and try not to venture too far through the other aisles. But it's a definite struggle every single time.  My man also plays a part in this... and his love of junk food. I've had to ban him from storing that stuff in the kitchen. If he leaves them around, chances are I'll eat them. But it's getting easier to resist over time as I'm slowly losing my taste and appetite for the junk.

When I'm out at a restaurant, I'm aware of my choices. Sometimes they're good choices, sometimes  not so good. But I know my digestion has slowly changed.  Now, if I eat a large amount of fried this, that, or the other, it will have me cramped up, bloated and retaining water and I'll feel miserable the next day.

PMS wise, I know when it's coming give or take a couple of days. When I'm craving a huge bowl of popcorn buttered and salted followed with a Toblerone chaser, it's getting to be that time of the month. I allow myself to ride the waves of hormones while trying not to give in to those pesky cravings.

Changing old patterns of thinking and eating/exercise habits is not easy. I've made lots of small changes over this past while. And made lots of mistakes too. Working on my inner self has been as equally important. Knowing exactly why I packed on the fat is key. I'm using tools and strategies to cope with emotions in a healthier way and it especially helps by taking it one day at a time.

Full of turkey :)

Thanksgiving at my folks was filled with turkey, stuffing, veggies and apple pie with lactose-free ice cream. It was  great and I don't really give a hoot about counting calories on this particular meal. Honestly it was about as healthy as it can get with my mom.  But I did watch my portion sizes on everything!!

It was a great visit the family and there wasn't much that tempted me to stray off plan.  I was even able to get everyone out for a walk every day but then the weather cooperated too.

Otherwise.... the state of my relationship has still been affecting my eating patterns, but less this past week. I think I'm getting tired of turning to food all the time. Lessons are sinking in.  I've started back with my artwork and other diversions so the opportunities to overeat aren't as easy.

Still having a hard time making exercise a habit!!! Argghhh! I'm consistent with three days a week. BUT it's just not enough for me to slim down. I'm maintaining. I've been hitting the Snooze on my alarm and sleeping in until 7:30am, instead of waking up an hour earlier and getting that workout in. The goal this week is to get four workouts in. Just four. Taking baby steps.

The Bee's Knees?

Not so much. I zigged when I should have zagged and ended up with an injured knee. Only a little pain, but the inflammation is bothersome so I'm taking it easy for a couple of weeks until the tendonitis heals up. This is an ongoing issue that I've had to be careful of ever since gaining weight in my teens and twenties.

In the meantime, I'm doing upper body strength and just plain easy walking... no elliptical or trampoline. Lunges, heavy stair work and such are off limits for a while.

Food-wise, I'm struggling with eating my emotions. These days it's loneliness. 

• I made the conscious choice to order two medium pizzas and eat them over the course of three days. 

• I  made the conscious choice to order fries and down a pitcher of sangria when I was out and about with friends. 

Strange how I still felt lonely amongst friends. Did the food  and drink make me feel better? Temporarily. How did I feel when I woke up the next morning? Groggy and zero energy throughout the day, and was bloated and chubby-faced from all the sodium.

Weight-wise, I haven't gained, I haven't really lost. Bouncing up and down around the 200lb mark.

My goal for the next few weeks is to do some inner work. Stuffing my emotions with food isn't doing me any good. There are tons of resources online and  I've got a couple of Jillian Michaels books I haven't yet read. I'm scheduling the inner workout and it'll be part of my daily exercise from now on.

Giving in to sabotage

My folks came for a visit. Their visits are fun and all but I'm trying to slim down - they know this - but my mother brought some takeout Chinese food and pie. I insisted on serving myself and threw together a salad to go with it to mitigate the damage. Refusing food would be like World War 3 and I wasn't ready for a big confrontation. I just said that I'm trying to make healthier choices.

The next day my mom took me shopping at Costco. I've only been there a few times but hadn't been too impressed. This time I scored some Larabars, some organic veggies and a great price on Cascades Enviro toilet paper. But... the place was nutso-filled with people, like it was Christmas or something. Carts smashing into one another, lots of grabbing and lineups galore. Since I'm only shopping for one these days, buying in bulk doesn't always make sense. So it ain't the place for me.

My mother got a good deal on chocolate bars... because my dad wanted one. My suggestion was that we all walk to the corner store to get one each, but they decided that was too hard, so my mom bought a variety pack of 18 at Costco. My list of trigger food include the ones she bought: Caramilk, Crunchie, Crispy Crunch and the biggest trigger: Wunderbar. I had two.

One the whole, not much damage was done because I got up early every day and powerwalked for an hour, including the "mo-fo" hill, and came home a sweaty mess. But the relationship I have with food and my mom is still a problem.  I'm going to visit them in a few weeks for Thanksgiving (yes, I'm Canadian) and I'll have to have some sort of strategy worked out to deal with this by then other than just giving in.

Struggling with T.O.M.

I've needed so much sleep this week it's actually affected my job. I did have to call in to work a few times saying I'd be late. Trying to get workouts in and dealing with crazy lady hormones, well the upshot is I've been averaging 10 to 12 hours sleep a night.  A couple of evenings I went to bed early at 8pm!!

Cravings have been super-strong too, but I did count my calories to track my cheats. That Dairy Milk Hazelnut chocolate bar, that half the fat lemon ice cream and big dirty muffin didn't eat themselves, so I take full responsibility for it. I wrote down how much each cost me and am working off those extra calories.

I wish I could go back on the pill to regulate this, but since my main man and I will be trying to get pregnant in the next year, any sort of drugs are a no-go. A friend suggested that I see a Naturopath but I'd like to see if weight loss helps calm the symptoms.

One little craving I had one morning was for eggs and avocado. I'd never combined these two things and was surprised at how tasty this was... only remembered after eating it that I should have taken a picture. D'oh!

Pre-heat toaster oven to 375F. 

Halve an avocado. Place on aluminum foil. Roll ends of foil to make a bowl shape. 

Crack egg into avocado pit hole. Some of the whites will run. 

Salt and pepper. I used a sprinkling of Cayenne pepper. 

Place in oven for about 20 minutes or until the egg is cooked how you like it. 

Deliciousness!!

Losing it in all the wrong places

Dressing up for a fancy occasion yesterday and when trying on my little black dress, I noticed my tummy rolls were in full evidence. Of course I have an industrial strength flab fighting garment that looks like swimsuit. But when I tried said garment on... I've definitely lost weight from my boobies! Quickly I double checked with the tape measure and yes, I'm down an inch off the band and half a cup on one side and a full cup on the other. WTF!  No fair!!!!! Why me!!!

OK, enough with the pity party: I'm losing weight so that's good.  I'm sure it even out soon enough. Anyway once I got myself put together, I looked and felt nice in my dress and in the shrug to cover the flabby upper arms. The fancy event passed without any major incidents. No accidental rips or tears in the dress. And I was good at controlling myself in front of the sumptuous buffet that was laid out.  I'm looking forward to the day when I feel pretty and confident again when wearing a dress... and without the shrug!